Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Happy 8760 Hours


8760 hours ago you cried incessantly, had dark splotchy hair, and pooped tar. Everyone said you reminded them of me. Now you are smiley blonds who poop rainbows. Everyone says you remind them of your mother.

8761 hours ago I was afraid that my track record with fish, turtles, and frogs meant that you would die in my care. Most likely in a jar or box with no air holes. You have successfully outlived Fins, Hoppy, Pokey, and FinsII. You're hot on the trail of Snowball. Kudos.

8762 hours ago I thought bringing you home would instantly make me incredibly lame, irrelevant, and exactly like everyone else. It turns out I have always been incredibly lame and that's what makes me special.

During your first 744 hours I strongly considered joining the military and requesting immediate deployment. The recruiter said, A) that wasn't how it worked and B) your mother had already been in asking these questions. He did give me some brochures to keep handy for when you turn two. Semper fi.

4 hours ago I woke up and tried to think of things to say to and about two girls who had endured a year with me as their father. Things no one had ever said or thought to say. Things I could have told the me from those 8760 hours ago that would have prepared him for everything in between. Then I realized how stupid it was to waste precious sleeping time thinking about blog entries and dozed off.

All those hours ago my least favorite thing in the world was people with kids who talked about how it changed their lives, how it completed them, thus implying that those of us without were not yet whole. I had studies and data about how people with kids were overall less happy, poorer, and more likely to know the words to Hannah Montana songs.

The truth is I was neither unhappy nor incomplete before you got here. But a mere 8760 hours later, if you tried to leave I don't how much of me would be left. A year ago that sentence would have disgusted me. I guess that means I'm a changed person, though I'm sure those who know me would assure you I'm no better.

What I can say is that I remain an incredibly impatient person, and I yet I can't ever remember so consciously wishing I could slow time down, savor ever second and squeeze every minute. There's still plenty of occasions when I look up and wonder, how is it not bedtime yet?, but if you told me that the next 8760 hours would take forever I'd be just fine with that.

So when you read this years from now, perhaps while wrestling with decisions of your own, accept the following not as a prescription but simply a fact, and take it for what you think it's worth: I am insanely in love with both of you and will be until there stops being such a thing.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Proper English

Stacey: No. You're using that word all wrong. Doo-doo means to have a sleep.

Me: In what language?
Stacey: English! We do speak English in South Africa you know.
Me: All I'm saying is that if an American child says he wants to doo doo and you put him in BED, you will regret it.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Brief Questions And Answers

Do your children walk yet?

Yes.  They also tend to accelerate as they approach solid objects.  The soundtrack to our lives: step.... step ....step ...step.. step .step step stepstepSMASH ........... CRY

Do they have new nicknames?
Walker Texas Nipples

Can they shake their head yes and no?
Ripley can say no to anything at anytime, and does.  However, at some point she got yes confused with sneezing.  So ask if she wants more peas, get a head shake.  Ask if she wants to take a bath, she makes one giant nod followed by the word "Acoo!".
Nixon smiles and does jazz hands no matter what you ask her.

What's the most disgusting thing you've pulled out of their mouths?
Yesterday I found Nixon trying to eat a cat claw.  How she got the claw off the cat remains a mystery, although we do have exceptionally lazy cats.

Is Stacey back?
Yes, and she saw the Jonas brothers in the lobby of a building in LA, so take that Grand Canyon.

Do you think she's becoming 'Americanized'?
Consider the following exchange-
Me: Stacey, did you hear what I just said? This is important.
Stacey: Kyle, I'm pretty sure if it were important I would have been listening.

Will you promise to blog more often in the near future and then not do it?
Consider it done.

Real Time Web Analytics