Since We Last Spoke

You may have noticed that I decided to take most of January off to do some real work. Then I took February off to nap. But I'm back. These are the things you missed:

1. Snails. The job I took revolved around snails. That makes one Beaver movie and one Snail movie. I'm not sure I like the small animal niche I'm carving out for myself. Some things we learned: having children and writing for them are different things. Kids movies are supposed to have rocket powered baseballs, not ambigious meditations on the nature of disability. Oops.

2. Vacation. We took the twins and Stacey to SLC for some snowboarding and crying in other people's houses. Lessons: If you reserve your car for the wrong month and show up at the airport it will cost you several hundred EXTRA dollars to rent the same car. This is a great way to start your trip. Also, when you put babies in 50 layers of clothes they cannot bend at the waist. They do not like this. They will find a way to get back at you. They will poop in the bathtub.

3. Marriage. My current project is marrying off our au pair, Stacey, so that she will become an American citizen. I don't know that she actually desires this, I'm just trying to keep busy. I'm also motivated by her frequent comments about the crime in South Africa. If something is outside, like maybe a half inflated volleyball, she will say, 'How can they leave that outside? It would just get stolen in South Africa.' Or, when asking about the relative safety of some innocous activity, 'It's okay to go there? We won't get stabbed in the face?' I've been keeping an eye out for suitable candidates and am preparing to hit the dating websites without her knowledge or consent. She may already be trying to sabotage my efforts. She recently applied self tanner in what can only be described as 'stripes'. At the moment she appears more focused on attracting tigers than husbands.

4. Mars. I realized that I'm more in love with the name than the idea of being outnumbered by angry little ones. No one is saying never, but for the time being it feels like blinking causes you to miss fifteen fantastic new things that the twins do. I'd like to suck all that up until such time as they become boring and repetetive and then we'll order a new one.

You are now more or less up to speed. I promise to nap less and write more in March.