Tivo

Kids are Tivo. You can't understand it and probably don't want it until you actually have it, and then you can't imagine how you got by without it.

The problem is that women seem to be able to get excited about Tivo just by playing with other womens' Tivos, and this makes them want Tivo, and so they think, all I need to do is get my husband or boyfriend to play with this Tivo and he will totally want one too. And then the guy comes over and politely handles your Tivo and then hands it back like it's made of unstable uranium.

Just get Tivo, people say, you'll see, it will change your life. When are you going to get Tivo? For god's sake, you're not getting any younger, and I'd like to have someone call me Grandma before I die, so will you please, just hurry up and get Tivo!

Well, I got Tivo, and for a long time... nothing. In fact, for the first few weeks I kept trying to find the receipt.

And then the other night, well, like 4 am, I was feeding one of my Tivos, I forget which one, they all look alike, and it fell asleep on my hand, and everything went limp, and it was just breathing on my palm, and well, I became a convert.

I attempted to capture the moment with this sketch-

The point is, I cannot recommend Tivo to you. Nor do I think playing with my Tivo will make you want one. But if you end up with one, it will change your life in a way that you will feel compelled to try to express in a crude drawing in which you have a black lollipop head and one extra joint in your arm.