Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Mars Bar,

Just rolling stream of consciousness style tonight. Between work, trying to organize a green card marriage for Stacey, and your impending arrival I just don't have time to organize my thoughts into a focused, crafted, and hilarious piece. As the mall Santa used to say when I was a kid, 'just be glad you're getting anything."

I'm not really trying to organize a greencard marriage, but that's only because Stacey seems really resistant to it. Instead we've been looking at sending her to school so she can stay. It sounded good until we started making the schedule and realized that she'd spend every hour of her life either writing freshman compositions or watching three bizarrely named children. Once she sits on that for a few days my craigslist husband hunt might start to seem more attractive.

Your mom's been home on maternity leave for a week now which means that the girls have had no use for me. Ripley and I had a breakthrough tonight in which she not only acknowledged my presence but seemed thankful for it. The only catch was that I had to be wearing her as a hat. The minute she came off my head things were unsatisfactory and she explained that to me with her fists. It's nice that she's learned to say, "HAT! HAT!" but if feels a little weird that it means she wants to BE your hat. I take what I can get.

The middle name derby, which long ago stopped be interesting to anyone else, just keeps getting messier. Instead of narrowing down the choices Amy just keeps throwing more in. Canyon? Baron? Wren? Some of her suggestions are just noises. Tull? Also, Mars Canyon? What if we just name you Mountain Top? I think you're just going to have like nine middle names. Mars Cooper Mojo Canyon Jethro Tull Killen.

But I'll make you a deal. You call me Pilot and I'll call you whatever you want.


Bob Killen said...

Good Morning Mars,

Well I’ve been told that you will be with us on the 8th Day of January, which is your Dad’s birthday. It is also mine, and what a great gift for us to have you join us on our birthdays. You might note that you are in good company with others borne on this day: Robert E. Lee (lost a big war but a nice guy), Wolfgang Puck (good pizza but the fat may be outlawed before you get your first taste), Elvis Presley (no problem finding him; he is in a lot of houses), and Stephen Hawking (brilliant guy but has a scratchy throat). I strongly recommend that you don’t be late, that would be the 9 January, which is Richard Nixon’s birthday, no relation to your sister Nixon.

You should also note that your Uncle Bryce was borne on the 4th of July, our nation’s birthday and it is appropriate for your uncle who is advocate for our libertarian rights. Wow, we got a lot of weird stuff to tell you when you get here.

See you soon,


Anonymous said...

Have you considered Battleship?

Amalia said...

We like Ares. Mars Ares pays tribute to the war gods on both sides of the greek/roman divide. wouldn't want to piss one war god off, after all.

itstartedwithawindmill said...

Canyon??? That's not as bad as Thunder. I'm really surprised that none of my white trash relatives haven't seen fit to name one of their offspring Thunder. I'm also extra surprised that none of my white trash family members have made it onto COPS. I think Thunder or Canyon as a name does qualify you for automatic membership in the Michigan Militia.

Real Time Web Analytics