Sunday, September 19, 2010

On The Eve Of My Potential Trouncing - A Message From Poop On The Shoe

When I was in high school I ran for class president. This was not a particularly sharp move on my part. I was not popular or good looking or particularly good at anything (and very little has changed). My most storied accomplishment was that I once went through an entire day with dog shit on my shoe without realizing it despite everyone in every class saying 'what the hell smells like dog shit?'. And then in my last class someone realized it was me, said 'IT'S KYLE!' and after that I was know simply as 'Poop On The Shoe'. I'm no political genius, but if your claim to fame is in any way related to feces, it's going to be an uphill battle.

So, the teacher who controlled the sign up list came to me after school and explained that some other kids had come in to sign up to run for office. Cool kids. Kids who looked like Abercrombie models. Kids who could have a show about them on the CW. And as they debated what to run for they saw my name and said, 'Poop on the shoe? Dude, you can crush poop on the shoe!', and so one of them signed up to take me down and become president. After delivering the news, the teacher asked if I still wanted to run. I said yes. He said, "I'm proud of you, poop. You'll lose, but I'm proud of you."

One night before Lone Star premiers it feels like that election all over again. I actually have no idea how or why I got here or what to do now that I am. I feel like I'm learning to juggle with live grenades and the competition suddenly looks like a bunch of cool kids who see an easy out. It's likely they will crush us and the sound you hear will be a large number of people in nice suits and plush offices slapping their heads in unison and saying 'What the hell were we thinking?' 'I knew that guy was a moron?' 'I know. And is it just me or did he kind of smell like dog shit?'

All I can tell you is that no matter how quickly they pull the plug, I'm proud of the mess they let me make. I'm proud of the reviews which have been incredibly kind and positive, and which I am having tattooed all over my body. I'm proud of our cast and crew and writers, all of whom could have pursued other, safer bets, and instead have placed their eggs in this basket. And I'm proud of our network for wallpapering the planet with advertisements for a show that doesn't have a single doctor, lawyer, cop, or car chase. I'm not saying any of these people have made good decisions, just that I'm proud of them.

So, Monday night people will vote with their remotes and we'll win or we'll lose and that will be that. I was peed on three separate times today (by my children you sicko) so I feel grounded enough to handle either outcome. Whichever way it breaks, I can't say thank you enough to those of you who've been reading and supporting me for so long. The comments and messages I've received from you, long before Lone Star was a twinkle in Fox's eye, have been rocket fuel at numerous times when I felt stranded by the side of the road. I hope we accomplish a lot of things tomorrow night, but mostly I hope we don't let you down.



Bob Killen said...

It's a winner and like running for class President this too will come out on top.

Esther said...

Can't wait to watch it Kyle! Congratulations, truly. Hope you're reveling in all the fun hoopla right now!

Amy said...

I'm lobbying hard for you and the show. I know it will be great!

itstartedwithawindmill said...

You're a lucky man, Kyle. And this writing thing sure does seem to be paying off too.

I had a 30th H.S. reunion and went home with the cheerleader who now seems to love me. Damn, life sure can be funny.

Michael said...

Certainly looking forward to it... now I can stop eliciting odd stares and remarks from all those small town texas folks that I've been asking (unsuccessfully) if they subscribe to Vanity Fair (e.g. "Boy, you some kind of fruit?").

Also, I firmly believe that in a few years everyone will struggle to recall LS's competition on premiere night about as hard as I am struggling (unsuccessfully) to recall what cool kid ran against you for class President.

AK said...

Kyle, I'm an a TV/movie snob who read your Beaver script and started following your blog. I've been trying to figure out which new TV shows are worth following and basically everywhere I turn, entertainment journalists are talking about your show, such as a link up right now on the front of, and some disappointed reviews of "Boardwalk Empire" directing people instead to your show. So, suffice it to say, I'm excited for the premiere tonight. Congrats!

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say that the pilot of Lone Star was one of the best pieces of art I've seen in recent years (this includes movies, books, music). I really hope the show is successful so I can continue to watch these amazing characters and beautifully shot locations. The dialogue was incredible and the symbolism was never heavy handed. Like nothing I've seen on network TV. I will keep tuning in every week for as long as I can.

The Dunsmores said...

I had forgotten about poop on the shoe! I have also forgotten who the dumbass was who ran against you. Anyway-we watched it last night and loved it...congrats on this success, and more importantly for following your dreams. We are so proud of you and will be expecting some sort of red carpet special pass as soon as they are available. :)
Love, sarah

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed the show. I am a nervous wreck for the guy and wonder how he can keep himself together but I'll continue to watch and see!

Angelina said...

The pilot was fantastic. You should be proud. And I can set aside my seething jealousy that you got the shot you did to say so. Best of luck with it. Worst case scenario you get a million or so rabid fans who'll buy the DVD, watch it over and over and kvetch for years to come on blogs about how the thing got axed before it's time. We should all be so lucky.

Kristen said...

I just watched it tonight via my DVR and really loved it and not just because I grew up in Midland. My husband who was throughly upset I had picked another show to watch this year agreed with me within the first 30 minutes.

The best part was when your name came up on the beginning credits and I pointed saying, "That's him!!!" And then I did the same thing again. Question from hubby, "Who is this guy?" My reply, "Some guy whose blog I read. He has girl twins and a baby boy."

Thanks for making it feel like I really knew the guy in the credits.

Melody said...

We watched your show via our DVR and my fiance said you know what, I'll stop recording Monday night RAW to start recording this show (which for him to give up his wrestling is a big compliment)! Anyways we loved the show and loved seeing your name on TV the three or four times it showed up on the credits and was like look there's Kyle name. I can't believe we know his dad!

Congratulations on the show and can't wait to keep watching it!

Melody Rojas

Angel said...

It's a shame that networks don't give new shows time to develop and grow. We watched the pilot and will tune in again. We have also convinced a few other family members to check it out. So really, there's no need to bribe us to watch; although, I do have a garden in need of a good turn over. ;-)

Angel said...

It's a shame that networks don't give new shows time to develop and grow. We watched the pilot and will tune in again. We have also convinced a few other family members to check it out. So really, there's no need to bribe us to watch; although, I do have a garden in need of a good turn over. ;-)

kidfishman said...


I'm a new fan who stumbled upon your blog by clicking Next Blog. What a treat. Poop on the Shoe for president, I say. I've been experimenting with a new angle on my parenting blog. Since you obviously have a sense of humor, maybe you can read this entry that created quite a stir and backlash and let me know what you think. Thanks, Isaac.

Good luck with Lone Star. All the best.

Anonymous said...

Really enjoyed the first two eps! And, simply stunned today by the cancellation news. Thought is was the best show I'd seen on Fox in some time!

Disappointing that great shows like Flash Forward and Lone Star get dropped but there have been 12 seasons of Big Brother and more American Idol's than I care to count.

Best of luck on future endeavors! -R.

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