Hey Sluggo, Don't Roscoe The Flim Flam

People seem to like twins. They're like hospital celebrities. When the nurses wheel them around, they arrive at their destination trailing stragglers. Yesterday the students who moved them from one room for another thanked us for the opportunity just to push them around. Babies in general tend to melt people's brains, but when you put two of them on a pillow together in matching outfits it's like mainlining rainbows. We should send them to negotiate for peace in the Middle East. Share Jerusalem? Well... there are two of you!

Amy is slightly disappointed at the residual bulge in her belly, which she's taken to calling 'the triplet'. She wants it delivered ASAP. I feel the triplet is the easiest to manage. Totally cooperative, quiet, limited need for college tuition. I hate to say I have a favorite, but the triplet and I are really bonding.

The whole dad job is embarrassingly easy in the first couple days. They sleep or they eat and they don't really want my help with either. I try to rearrange the furniture in the room every couple hours just to show that I can do stuff too. Would you like something lifted? I can lift things.

We told the grandparents they got to choose their own nicknames thinking that it's really a personal preference whether you want to be grandmother or grandma. They announced they've come to a decision. Neither. They want to be GiGi and Honey. Apparently they're going in a femme fatale direction. We expect the kids to come back from weekends with the grandmothers saying things like, "Scram you mud-pipes before I fill your mugs full of lead." Now we're just waiting for the grandfathers to choose. Kids, meet Maverick and Iceman.