I Have A Present For You

I have a present for you.

It doesn't come with any instructions but everyone else knows what to do with it. Whatever you do with it will be wrong.

This present breaks every couple of hours and when it breaks you can never fix it the same way twice. If you had to cut the blue wire last time, cutting the blue wire this time WILL CAUSE IT TO EXPLODE. Also, all of the wires are blue.

This present will produce foul smelling liquids, solids, and gases. If it does not you must have it serviced until it does.

This present will hurt you, physically and mentally. It has been known to deafen people and make other people wish they were deaf. It may lead to a lawsuit from your neighbors.

Maintenance costs for this present will be exorbitant. The word 'villa' is one you no longer need remember. 'Trailer' is a word you should learn.

You must photograph this present. Even if it's doing the same thing it was just doing you must photograph it again. Every moment must be documented. No one will want to look at these photos.

If you are lucky this present will lead to piano recitals. If you are unlucky it will lead to police stations. Probably it will lead to both.

It will make you cry.

You may not sleep while you are in possession of this present.

You may not return or exchange this present.

This present is absolutely one of a kind.

I got you two.