Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Teen Wolf

Perhaps you're one of the many people who has written me to say that while you personally don't visit places like Perezhilton and the like, someone you know sent you a story about The Beaver which seemed to indicate that it was either awesome or the worst thing ever and that in either case I was certainly an unqualified wacko. Or maybe you were a commenter who mentioned South Park for the millionth time. Or maybe you're one of my countless new facebook friends who I don't actually know but was afraid to turn away and so now I'm keenly aware of when you're watching Heroes and what you think of your latest haircut. Whatever the case, allow me to clear the air.

First of all, I recently bought a pair of slacks. In fact, I have two pair. I wear one for a week and then the other for the next week. I've been doing this for like, a month. So obviously, I'm a professional, and any indication otherwise is libelous.

Second, the movie is nothing at all like South Park. To say so is insulting. It's actually exactly like Teen Wolf but I changed all the instances of 'Wolf' to 'Beaver' and all the instances of 'Teen' to 'Steve Carrell'. The point is, screenwriting is extremely simple and should be done by everyone.

Third, let's all just agree not to use the word whimsical unless we're referring to a musical about Cool Whip.

Hopefully that squares everything. Can't thank those of you who've had swell things to say, about me or my slacks, enough. When and if there's real progress to report I will certainly let you know. At this point the process is mostly a lot of people telling you to chill champagne one minute and then instructing you to beat yourself over the head with it the next. But I've been doing that for years because a) I persoanlly feel that clubbing yourself with champagne is preferrable to drinking it, and b) I'm a professional.

In slacks.

Covered with baby vomit.


Anonymous said...

I'm in the category or acquaintance that subscribes to your blog and knows terribly too much about you. So next time we see each other, I'll be too terrified to speak knowing that something I might say will indicate that I read your blog.

mr. kyle said...

Should we meet, a simple, "nice slacks" wouldn't necessarily indicate that you read the blog, but would demonstrate you have good taste and aren't afraid to show it and would immediately think of you as one of the sharpest knives I know.

sean b said...

So wait... you're telling me you have TWO pairs of slcaks?

Jesus, you just couldn't wait to sell out, could you?

Hollywood douchebag...

BTW, I'm kicking your fantasy team's ass this weekend, not that you'll care, what with your beluga cavier eaten off of solid gold plates shaped like the broken backs of poor people.

Pablo Guero said...

I was going to post a really witty comment, but then I saw the word verification for this comment was shittypants -- just saying ...

sean b said...

Edit above comment to read:


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