Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Does This Include Football?

Amy (out of nowhere): I think the TV might be hurting the babies. I'm going to look it up on the internet when we get home.
Me: Well, I'm sure you won't find anything alarmist about it on the internet.

After five minutes on Google...

Amy: Oh my god, TV melts babies brains.
Me: Like, melts them in a good way, right?
Amy: Every hour watching TV increases their risk of getting ADHD by 10%.
Me: Doesn't that mean that watching ten hours of TV would give them a 100% chance? We probably gave them ADHD just yesterday.
Amy: No more TV for the babies.
Me: Until when?
Amy: I don't know. Seven.
Me: That's four hours from now!
Amy: No, until they're seven.
Long silence.
Me: So, where will they live?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

For Your Consideration

2 weeks ago our children regarded sleep as a brief interruption between screaming fits.

1 weeks ago we bought a book by a woman from Brazil where all babies apparently sleep for 12 hours straight and dream about nothing but Carnivale, soccer, and plastic surgery.

6 days ago Ripley started to sleep for 12 hours straight just like a good little Brazilian.

5 days ago Amy pointed out that the major difference between Ripley and Nixon, in addition to the fact that Ripley sleeps and Nixon doesn't, is that Ripley has an 18ft long eyelash.

1 day ago Amy cut the eyelash.

Ripley has not slept for more than 3 hours since.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Annus Mirabilis

One year ago today Amy's brother, ordained by the Internet, stood in the shadow of the Tetons and declared us eligible to file a joint tax return. To celebrate this anniversary we started out day by making a pot of coffee without actually remembering the pot and then spent the rest trying to coax a bowel movement out of a constipated baby. It was just like those anniversaries you see in the movies.

But as 12 month periods go, I'd be hard pressed to imagine a better one than this. Granted, 2007 kind of plowed into a concrete wall at the end, but 08 has been everything I could ask of a year ending in my favorite digit.

All of which is beside the point since part of our agreement when we decided to get married was that I didn't have to start the anniversary count over. So while we did manage to enjoy a fine meal to mark the passage of 365 days since committing ourselves in front of friends, family, and a spiritual humanist, our real anniversary remains October 4th. Long before there were invitations, cakes, or Kuub games, there was a simple dinner with the most amazing person I've ever met and I knew I was ready to start the meter on the rest of my life. This has certainly been an amazing year, but assuming she doesn't come to her senses in the next two months, it will just be the icing on a ridicilous decade.

Saturday, August 2, 2008


Hours between which the babies have decided not to sleep: 2-5

Number of steps from bed to nursery: 53

Number of nights since the babies moved to the nursery: 3

Number of nights I've ended up sleeping on the floor of the nursery: 3

Amount paid for swell upstairs mattress: approx 1k

Amount paid for uncomfortable rug on nursery floor: approx 99$

Number of additional children I anticipate having: 0

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