Tuesday, June 3, 2008

College Funds

Apparently our diapers cost about 18 cents a piece. These should not be confused with diapers you've heard of like Pampers or Huggies which cost about 30 cents a piece and contain both clouds and angel wings. Our diapers are made of asbestos and gravel and come from countries where our six week olds would probably already have jobs. But still, 18 cents.

Despite the low cost I'm billing the children for them. Not all of them. Only the ones that they soil within two minutes of being changed. Which is most of them. If they do it a third time within six minutes they get billed double for the next one. Ripley owes me 72 cents for today. I keep a ledger. I'm hoping they can crap their way to paying for college.

Honey and Gigi were here to help this weekend. The girls seemed to realize that we had reinforcements so they spent the weekend sleeping and having their grandmothers fawn over them so that they'd save up the energy to go completely bat shit when it was back to just Amy and I. The last two days indicate that they were able to store considerable amounts.

While they were here we got out for a real, no kidding, take your time as long as you're back in time to pump, dinner date. When we were leaving we took pictures like we going to a prom. You know your life has changed when evidence that you left the house without a diaper bag seems like something you might want to frame.

To avoid killing one another we do try to get out as much as possible. We seem to be able to remember at least one thing that we've forgotten at the store on a daily basis. If gas weren't 4 dollars we'd probably remember things we needed from nearby states. Since one person getting to escape means one person gets left behind we end up doing most things as a mob. When we're out we've noticed that people have two very distinct reactions to seeing the packed double stroller. Most fall in the, 'Twins! How cute!' category. The rest actually have twins. They shake their heads, get a very empathetic expression, and greet you like AA members. 'My name is Mary. I also have twins. They're six. You'll survive.' And then they hear our children cry and they go call their sponsors.

Not that having one baby is really any easier. Amy left me with the evil twin for a few hours today and I just hid under the sink until she got back.

On the upside, I did make 72 cents.

1 comment:

TwoBusy said...

The AA thing is the best metaphor for twin ownership that I've ever heard. Thank you.

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